The top three most efficient modes of human-powered transportation are (in no particular order): Flintstone cars, bicycles, and a palanquin carried by the various monarchs you’ve conquered and overthrown. Make sure the most feasible of these is in perfect working order with today’s Groupon to Dutch Bike Co. Seattle. Choose between the following options:

• For $25, you get a standard bicycle tune-up (a $50 value).
• For $35, you get a comprehensive bicycle tune-up (a $75 value).

Dutch Bike Co. Seattle, featured in the New York Times for its unique collection of imported European cycles, hosts a team of savvy mechanics that restore all types of bicycles to fine fettle. Visitors haul in their ailing cruisers and dirt-caked mountain bikes for tune-up services that ensure velocipedes a speedy recovery from long jaunts and crashes through Precious Moments figurine displays. The standard tune-up returns shabby two-wheeled companions to proper working order by adjusting shifts and brakes, greasing chains, and straightening wheels. Alternatively, the comprehensive tune-up includes everything in the standard tune-up and adds an extra adjustment of the hubs, headset, and high-volume bugle horn. Before departing, all vehicles relish a ceremonial wipedown while owners eye the espresso, pastries, and sandwiches at Dutch’s in-store café.

Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: Children’s Book Titles

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Deal Tacoma Standard or Comprehensive Bicycle Tune-Up at Dutch Bike Co. Seattle (Up to 53% Off)

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Deal on Groupon.com/Tacoma

Bagels aren’t the only breakfast food available, but they are the only one that doubles as the steering wheel of a tiny bread car. It’s your kitchen and you can drive if you want to with today’s Groupon: for $20, you get a punch card for four dozen bagels (four punches with one dozen bagels/punch) at Seattle Bagel Bakery in Tukwila (a $40 value).

Seattle Bagel Bakery’s artisan bakers kettle boil bouquets of bagels crafted from eastern Washington wheat and sustainably farmed Shepherd’s Grain flour. Morning meal cravers sink bleary canines into 20 varieties of small-batch bagels baked daily, from flavors including classic poppyseed and onion, exotic bacon cheddar, and orange cranberry. After each bagel is hand-decorated with fresh trimmings, Seattle Bagel’s kettle boiling techniques yield a crisp outer shell and a dense, chewy interior, free of preservatives or hang-ups about having a hole where its heart should be.

Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: Children’s Book Titles

What legal loophole allows you to write your own Harry Potter book?

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Deal Tacoma $20 for Four Dozen Bagels at Seattle Bagel Bakery in Tukwila ($40 Value)

Deal on Groupon.com/Tacoma

Comfortable Cabins on Working Ranch with Horse Stables

There’s a sweeping view of the Montana countryside at the top of Gratitude Peak, a vista on the east end of Gaynor Ranch and Resort. But before guests can enjoy the sights they must follow a strict but simple rule: all of one’s worries must be deposited down below at the Gratitude Tree. Perched atop this overlook is a Native American medicine wheel designed by ranch owner Nancy Gaynor, a Kootenai tribe member, and the wheel is said to inspire meditation and self-reflection. This overlook underscores the resort’s focus on relaxation and reverence for the natural beauty of the area, which is set amid forested hills and wide blue skies.

Touches of the Old West, including a weathered wagon and a large white teepee, are scattered throughout the working ranch. Visitors can feed the resident horses, teach them to neigh the ABCs, or hop in the saddle and embark on a trail ride through the property’s pathways ($45/person for a one-hour ride).

Near the horse pasture stands a cluster of ranch cabins, each of them spacious enough for groups and equipped with a full kitchen. For more secluded accommodations, there are eight freestanding cabins in the woods a short distance from the ranch.

Whitefish, Montana: Charming Alpine Gateway to Glacier National Park

Gaynor Ranch and Resort is tucked into the Flathead Valley, an expanse of jagged peaks and windswept lowlands carved out by glaciers during the last ice age. Within the valley-and fewer than 7 miles from the resort-is the charming alpine village of Whitefish. Restaurants, specialty boutiques, and a microbrewery are dotted along the main drag of Central Avenue, and jutting out of the skyline to the north are the snowcapped peaks of the Northern Rocky Mountains. Though outdoor activities are a major draw, Whitefish also features an independent theater company, art galleries, a historical museum, and a Frank Lloyd Wright–designed building-one of a scant few in Montana.

About 30 miles away from the ranch resides the west entrance to Glacier National Park, where the glittering Lake McDonald comes into view as visitors drive down Going-to-the-Sun Road. Although heavy snowfall can close down portions of the park’s internal roads, the National Park Service regularly plows the 10-mile stretch of road that runs from the entrance to Lake McDonald Lodge. Rangers can lead expeditions and referee snowball fights on guided snowshoe walks departing from the nearby Apgar Visitor Center; several skiing and snowshoeing trails splinter off in the area as well. Depending on snow melt, the warmer spring months mark the opening up of scenic hiking trails such as Logan Pass-the highest point on Going-to-the-Sun Road and a popular launching point for backpackers.

Groupon Says

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Deal Spokane Coeur Dalene $170 for a Two-Night Stay for Two in a Cabin at Gaynor Ranch and Resort in Whitefish, Montana (Up to $398 Value)

Deal on Groupon.com/Spokane Coeur Dalene

Like choosing paint swatches with an impatient spouse, teeth whitening replaces pale pistachio, bavarian cream, and summer peach with simple buckets of white. Simplify your shades with today’s Groupon: for $29, you get a home teeth-whitening kit from Premium Home Whitening (a $158 value).

Premium Home Whitening’s kits take trips to the dentist out of smile-brightening equations with FDA-approved gels blanching choppers up to five shades. After a quick brush and floss, patrons drop their mold-and-bite trays into heated water until the plastic becomes as pliable as the lasagna noodles floating beneath them. Ductile tooth helmets press against the upper and lower ridges, custom molding to enamel outlines. After a conservative squirting of USA-made carbamide-peroxide gel, patients insert their impressions into the mouth while clutching the micro LED light between their lips. Sessions last about 30–60 minutes, depending on tooth tolerance, and should take place once or twice daily while watching TV, reading a book, or challenging the cat to competitive staring contests. Gel supplies furnish about seven to nine treatments.

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Deal Spokane Coeur Dalene $29 for a Home Teeth-Whitening Kit from Premium Home Whitening ($158 Value)

Deal on Groupon.com/Spokane Coeur Dalene

Muscles, like the tails of sleeping cats or levers labeled “drain ocean,” were never meant to be pulled. Reverse the damage with today’s Groupon: for $60, you get two one-hour Swedish massages at Integrated Health Center (a $120 value) in Spokane Valley. The two massages included with this Groupon must be redeemed in separate visits, either by the same person or two different people.

Integrated Health Center’s certified clinical massage therapist Judith A. Ransom tends to pained physiques with an assortment of natural healing techniques. During one hour Swedish massages, Judith’s skilled hands traipse across backscapes, untying muscle knots and loosening taut tendons. The Swedish modality relies upon multiple stroke styles, including the long, flowing strokes of effleurage, which aims to aid circulation and the lymphatic system’s detoxification processes. Gentle kneading stretches cramped muscle fibers and vigorous tapping knocks tissues into a state of bliss. Judith melds each technique into the next to craft an effective stress-busting treatment, while relieving anxiety, depression, and trauma caused by having a quarter painfully extracted from an ear by a street magician.

Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: Podcasts

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Deal Spokane Coeur Dalene $60 for Two One-Hour Swedish Massages at Integrated Health Center in Spokane Valley ($120 Value)

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Deal on Groupon.com/Spokane Coeur Dalene

The invention of the horseless carriage revolutionized transportation and forced horses to settle for jobs as professional carousel riders. Keep cars running and horses standing with today’s Groupon to Cascade Auto Glass. Choose between the following options:

• For $39, you get three windshield-chip repairs (an $80 value).
• For $39, you get $100 toward windshield replacement.

Certified by the Auto Glass Replacement Safety Standards Council, Cascade Auto Glass’s technicians deftly stabilize bruised automotive portals with repairs and replacements by free mobile service. During each 15-minute chip repair, the window whisperers seal small dings in the glass caused by hail, debris, or Halley’s Comet impersonators. The careful repairs can prevent small nicks from growing into large cracks and spreading across the windshield.
In the event of more extensive damage, glass mechanics swap hazardous windshields out for new OEM-quality auto-optical centers (windshields cost an average of $270, but prices will vary). During the 60-minute service, technicians steady the glass, which adheres to specific manufacture standards, and seal it in place with Sika-brand adhesives. Fresh windshields come backed by a nationwide lifetime warranty that helps drivers peer into the future without the distraction of a dashboard-mounted crystal ball. If using insurance, call Cascade Auto Glass for details.

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Deal Spokane Coeur Dalene Windshield-Chip Repairs or $39 for $100 Toward Windshield Replacement at Cascade Auto Glass (Up to 61% Off)

Deal on Groupon.com/Spokane Coeur Dalene

It was Benjamin Franklin who famously quipped, “Opposable thumbs, shoes, and cookies for breakfast are the only things separating us from the animals.” Tie some dignity to your feet with this Groupon.

The Deal

$59 for one pair of orthotics (a $149 value)
$25 for $50 worth of in-store merchandise

Good Feet

Founded in 1995 by a back-pain sufferer who discovered the difference footwear inserts can make, Good Feet comprises more than 120 store locations across the globe everywhere arches are out of alignment. Good Feet crafts orthotics endorsed by football legend Emmitt Smith that are tailored to individual foot contours via a three-step process meant to accommodate the various activities dominated by feet such as aerobic exercise and tube sock modeling.

Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: Children’s Book Titles

What legal loophole allows you to write your own Harry Potter book?

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Deal Spokane Coeur Dalene Footwear at Good Feet in Spokane Valley (Up to 60% Off). Two Options Available.

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Deal on Groupon.com/Spokane Coeur Dalene

True friends always watch your back to make sure it’s clear of signs that say “Kick Me” or “Recite Your Breakup Poetry to Me.” Keep your friends close with this Groupon: for $12, you get two magnetic friendship bracelets from Hook-Links (a $29.98 value). This deal does not include a $4 flat-rate cost for shipping.

Designed by three childhood friends, Hook-Links creatively display camaraderie and affection while building awareness and support for children’s nonprofits. Rare earth magnets contained on both sides of the bracelet carry an opposing magnetic charge, allowing individuals to magnetically bind themselves to a friend, family member, or the floating appendage of a favorite ghost. The simple and stylish silicone bracelets arrive in one of five colors, including cool blue, hot pink, and hot purple. Buyers should carefully measure wrists to select the appropriate size, as Hook-Links cannot offer refunds for wrong sizes.

Boosting both fashion sense and a sense of community, Hook-Links donates a portion of the proceeds from each bracelet to three child-centric nonprofits. The student-run, philanthropic organization THON raises millions each year for pediatric cancer through the Penn State IFC/Panhellenic Dance Marathon. KIPP oversees charter schools for underprivileged children, and the Silverlake Conservatory of Music supplements music-education programs in needy areas. Hook-Links also collects votes for which nonprofit it will next partner with and solicits suggestions on which pairs should be magnetically bound together, such as peanut butter and jelly or green eggs and FDA recalls.

Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: Children’s Book Titles

What legal loophole allows you to write your own Harry Potter book?

Read more…

Deal Appleton $12 for Two Magnetic Friendship Bracelets from Hook-Links ($29.98 Value)

Deal on Groupon.com/Appleton

Without photographic evidence, it’s hard to know if things such as aliens, Abraham Lincoln, or true love have ever existed. Package evidence of your own being for later generations to study with today’s Groupon: for $15, you get $50 worth of photo books, cards, and more from Mixbook.

With Mixbook’s photo-book services, you can instantly upload your treasured pictures and customize each with the easy-to-use Mixbook editor. Use the editor to crop photos, add text, and rotate any pictures, allowing you to convince friends you met Adam West while hanging upside-down in his master bedroom. Clients can then choose from several different types of photo cards, photo calendars, and photo books, such as the 8″x6″ soft-cover pocket landscape ($11.99 for 20 pages) or the 14″x11″ hardcover coffee-table book ($54.99 for 20 pages), ideal for stirring up jealousy in bookless coffee tables. Mixbook uses archival-quality silk paper to ensure that sentimental snapshots have a glossy look and feel. Capture the moment the bride said “I do” with a professional-quality wedding picture book, or encapsulate baby’s first word-”mitochondria”-with a baby memory book.

You can also utilize Mixbook’s services to craft engaging yearbooks and customizable cards and stationery (starting at $0.39+ each). Create jovial Christmas and holiday cards with the entire family in front of the fireplace or dainty wedding invitations with encoded messages about the real meaning of life.

Groupon Says

The Groupon Guide to: Podcasts

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Deal Appleton $15 for $50 Worth of Personalized Photo Books, Cards, and Stationery from Mixbook

Deal on Groupon.com/Appleton

Mounted police opt for equine transportation so that they don’t have to deal with the squad car’s insatiable thirst for gas and justice. Harness real horsepower with today’s Groupon: for $39, you get two 60-minute private horseback-riding lessons at Lucky Stables LLC in Neenah (an $80 value).

The owner of Lucky Stables LLC is an experienced rider who tutors aspiring equestrians in the art of saddle sitting during private lessons. In the course of a 60-minute class, students learn the tricks of the tack on horses such as Wilma, a 17-year-old Appendix quarter horse that can accommodate all levels of rider and has been trained in first aid. Each session is tailored to the individual pupil’s abilities and preferences; riders are required to wear long pants and a heeled shoe or riding boot.

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Deal Appleton $39 for Two 60-Minute Private Horseback-Riding Lessons at Lucky Stables LLC in Neenah ($80 Value)

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Deal on Groupon.com/Appleton